eternal_flame

there you go...

the fragments are complete...

as of this time... tabulas will no longer be updated... he will not be deleted, he will remain here... a reminder to myself as to what once happened... all the joys, the laughter, the regrets, the sorrows, the pain... they are all there...

i hope that maybe someday, she'll come across this... maybe she'll realize that maybe i could have been a different person... maybe 4th year could have been happier for me... if only she said the truth... maybe it could have been better if i hadn't fallen in the first place... i don't necessarily blame her, but i don't leave her hands clean either...

i guess i lost to my memories... i lost...

this was my first blog... it was the witness to my views, opinions, and feelings towards certain things... it was one of the few that listened... it was one of the few that understood... it was one of the few that cared... and for that, i thank it...

but by leaving this blog, i hope i can leave the memories behind... but i doubt that is entirely possible... i can't articulate my reasons well... just think of it as a sort of "ceremonial"/"symbolic" thing to do... call me crazy, but hell, it's my blog...

and so i fade into the black of night... the fire is all but gone... but i hope you'll see me again in lj... look for half_elven17... he stalks the earth alone, all the fire gone from his heart...

i leave with this song...

I'm Still Here
by John Rzeznik

I am a question to the world
Not an answer to be heard
Or a moment
That's held in your arms

And what do you think you'd ever say?
I won't listen anyway
You don't know me
And I'll never be what you want me to be

And what do you think you'd understand?
I'm a boy, no, I'm a man
You can't take me
And throw me away

And how can you learn what's never shown?
Yeah, you stand here on your own
They don't know me
Cause I'm not here

Chorus:
And I want a moment to be real
Wanna touch things I don't feel
Wanna hold on and feel I belong
And how can the world want me to change?
They're the ones that stay the same
They don't know me
Cause I'm not here

And you see the things they never see
All you wanted I could be
Now you know me
And I'm not afraid

And I want to tell you who I am
Can you help me be a man?
They can't break me
As long as I know who I am

Chorus

They can't tell me who to be
Cause I'm not what they see
Yeah, the world is still sleepin while I keep on dreaming for me
And their words are just whispers and lies thatI'll never believe

Chorus

I'm the one now
Cause I'm still here
I'm the one
Cause I'm still here
I'm still here
I'm still here
I'm still here

and so... i bid farewell...

thanks...

veni veni venias... ne me mori facias...